**If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
**Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
**What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
**Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
**Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
**Is it possible to be totally partial?
**If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
**If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
**When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
**If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
**Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
**What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
**Why is bra singular and panties plural?
**Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
**When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
**Why do they report power outages on TV?
**If a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?
**If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart?
**If a light-sleeper sleeps with a light on, what does a hard-sleeper sleep with?
**Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
**If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
**Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
**You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
**If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
**Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
**Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
**Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
**Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
**Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
**If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
**Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
**Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
**Why is the alphabet in that order?
**If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
**If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
**Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
**Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
**Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
**If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
**When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
**Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
**Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
**Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
**Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
**Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk?
**The light went out, but where to?
**Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?
**Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
**What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
**If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?
**When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
**Do fish get cramps after eating?
**How come abbreviated is such a long word?
**Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
**Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
**How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
**Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?
**If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
**Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
**How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
**Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
**Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
**Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
**Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
**Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
**What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
**Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
**If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
**Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
**Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
**Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
**I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
**If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
**Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
**Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
**War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
**If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
**If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
**If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
**Is there another word for synonym?
**Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
**When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
**Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
**Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
**If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
**Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
**Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
**If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
**Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
**Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
**If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
**How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
**Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
**Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
**Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
**If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
**Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
**Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
**How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
**If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
**Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
**Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
**Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
**How is it possible to have a civil war?
**If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
**If God dropped acid, would he see people?
**If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
**If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
**If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
**If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
**If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
**Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
**Why don't they invent a cordless extension cord?
**Does condensed milk comes from smaller cows?
**If a vampire cannot see its reflection, how is their hair always so neat?
**Does the person who inventories sheep often fall asleep on the job?
**What is another word for thesaurus?
**If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is that racism?
**What happens if you get scared 1/2 to death twice?
**Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
**If you choked a Smurf, what color whould it turn?
**Should crematoriums give a discount to burn victims?
**Could it be that Boulders are statues of big rocks?
**How would you throw away a garbage can?
**Do fish ever get thirsty?
**Why do they but braille numbers on drive-up ATM's?
**Why isn't the word phonetic spelt like it sounds?
**Do police sketch artists start out by drawing chalk outlines?
**Why don't they just make food stamps edible?
**Should a mute be yelled at for talking with their hands full?
**Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
**Do cannibals get hungry one hour after eating a chinaman?
**What does Geronimo say after jumping out of an airplane?